


The Smell Before Rain

by 10000animefigure



Series: You are the Blood in My Veins [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: A lot of drama probably, Flashabacks, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Young!Hanzo, Young!McCree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10000animefigure/pseuds/10000animefigure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCree keeps three pictures beside his bed; the first a newspaper clipping of Overwatch in its prime, the Amari family and him eating watermelon, and a picture of Gabriel Reyes and him standing together grinning. He used to keep a fourth, a portrait of a young Japanese man with cherry blossoms swirling around him. McCree had thrown the picture away years ago thinking he was over the past relationship but finds feelings resurfacing when the subject of the photo reappears one morning in the newly recalled Overwatch meeting room.</p><p>Now the happy-go-lucky Jesse McCree mopes around the Gibraltar base trying to avoid him but the base is only so big.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Genji’s coming back today!” Hana sings squeezing herself between Lucio and McCree. They are sitting in the conference room waiting for the morning meeting to begin. The other agents trickle in. McCree had gotten there early to get some of Reinhardt’s coffee.

The two younger agents had fallen head over heels for Genji. Beneath the cool, cyborg, monk exterior was a man with a plethora of pop culture knowledge. He was a fun loving goofball, always laughing, always playing around. Lucio, Hana, and Genji had become a much needed breath of fresh air amongst the older members of Overwatch. They held game tournaments, karaoke nights, movie showings, and played tricks on people. They often employed McCree, Lena, and Reinhardt to help them mess with the other agents. It was a wonderful change from when Genji first arrived at Overwatch. McCree could remember the growls and angry screams that came from Genji’s room during his healing and recuperation. When Genji had answered the recall, McCree was ecstatic to see a calmer, less angry Genji return with Zenyatta drifting blissfully behind him. Genji was a man to envy, a man who had worked hard to move past his past traumas. 

“Dude, I’ve missed him,” Lucio grins high-fiving Hana. “I’ve filled my notebook up with new pranks.” Lucio pulls his notebook out opening it up to a page titled Sick Pranks. Hana hunches over it giggling. The two giggle together flipping through the notebook. 

“Jesse,” Angela’s sweet voice fills McCree’s ears as she sits down beside him. She places a gentle hand on his shoulder, “How did you sleep?” Angela always fretted over McCree. She had been there for McCree since day one, when Reyes plucked him from his low-life gang beginnings. 

Unfortunately, she could easily see through his lies as he nods with a grin “I slept just fine, ma’am.” 

“Don’t lie to me McCree.” she warns getting a warm chuckle from McCree. 

“I ain’t lying. I just have a new definition of a good night's sleep,.”

“Come see me later,” Angela says sternly as she turns to face Fareeha who had just sat down beside her, “We’ll continue this discussion.”

Fareeha looks over to McCree and gives a small smile. McCree grins back at Fareeha. He had known the woman since she was a young child, they were basically family. But God, did she look like a spitting image of her mother. And God did he miss that woman. 

“G’morning, cupcake,” he flirts tipping his hat at her. Fareeha flushes but is pulled into Angela’s worrying before she can respond to McCree. Angela always fretted over her favorites.

McCree settles into his chair between the two couples. He sighs feeling comfortable. That was something he appreciated about the recall. The happiness he felt surrounded by his friends. McCree had spent the years after leaving Blackwatch and Overwatch’s self-implosion, running away from his problems. Wandering the United States helping those Overwatch may have overlooked. Orphans living on the streets, single mothers, those people who didn’t look so pretty on the front page of a newspaper. Despite this though he was always alone, always in dirty hideouts. He was also always trying to outrun the bounty hunters. The Gibraltar base may still be returning to its former glory but it was clean and filled with people. 

The door of the meeting room shut loudly pulling McCree from his thoughts. Soldier 76 stands at the front of the table, he coughs once pulling in everyone’s attention. “Before we go over the usual briefing and give out the schedule for the day, Genji has returned and would like a moment of our time.” He grumbles not seeming happy about whatever Genji has to say. “Please give him your utmost attention,” he says cutting his eyes at Hana and Lucio, who only giggle in response. He sits down at the table letting Genji take the stage.

Genji walks into the room causing Lucio to let out a loud “Whoop!” Genji waves at Lucio and gives a small bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he jokes before standing up straight in front of the table. 

“I have a request to ask of all of you,” he starts. The table of agents listens closely. “I’ve been tracking my brother for the past two months and I’ve finally confronted him in our home town, Hanamura. We have spoken of attempting to reconcile our relationship. I’ve convinced him to join our efforts here.” 

The agents let out a series of distrusting grumble.

“I know some of you feel anger towards my brother because of his actions. And I thank you for caring for me so strongly. But I must ask you all to put that aside and allow my brother to join us.” Genji gives a small bow before looking out amongst the agents. 

“Well, if it’s want Genji wants,” Lena perks up leaning her elbows on the table. She looks around the table gesturing to everyone. “I say let's give it a shot!” They all murmur in agreement. 

McCree feels a knot in his stomach. Genji is his best friend and he wants nothing to do with the brother who murdered him especially when that brother was Hanzo Shimada, McCree’s ex boyfriend. And especially when that someone is walking into the conference room at the moment.

Hanzo stands nervously in front of the other agents. He still wore traditional Japanese clothing. His hair was shorter pulled up in a higher ponytail than it had been when they were younger. And there was grey in his hair. He was older with facial hair. McCree suddenly felt incredibly conscious of how he was still rocking the cowboy style. 

Hanzo bows to the table. “Thank you for allowing me to join. I ask for your forgiveness and the opportunity to work on my relationship with my brother. “ he says the words with feigned strength. 

McCree spends the rest of the meeting staring at Hanzo, counting each thing that has changed about him. Feelings he thought he had buried come back to McCree in waves. There was anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, and somehow warmth. He remembers sitting in the warm sun with Hanzo in Hanzo’s family garden. The two young men, barely older than boys, waiting patiently for their elders to finish talking. They would put their hands together, not holding but touching. McCree remembers the stolen kisses. He remembers the way he felt flying away. The way his heart skipped a beat whenever a text would come in. The way his heart sank when they stopped. The anger he felt, the anger that Reyes manipulated, when he realized Hanzo was never going to answer again. The feeling of abandonment.

When the meeting is over he ignores calls from Hana and Angela and goes outside for a much needed smoke. He hadn’t expected for his past to show up at today’s meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading the first chapter!  
> I have a lot of this story planned so expect pretty regular updates.  
> I will update tags as need be. I'm not one hundred percent sure what I'm going to go into much detail on but I will let everyone know before hand of any trigger warnings.  
> Feel free to leave any comments, questions, or critiques!  
> Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCree tries to ignore Hanzo but in a small watchpoint it only works so long.

Hanzo closes his eyes letting the wind run through his hair. McCree watches him closely from his usual smoking spot. He didn’t expect to see Hanzo in the grassy patch by the cliffside. From the way Hanzo breathes deeply, the way he steadies himself, McCree can tell his nerves are on edge. McCree imagines the morning had been rough on Hanzo. Hanzo was a normally proud man, one who got what he wanted, not a man who asked for forgiveness and compassion. Hanzo’s hair is loose, his clothes disheveled, he looks unkempt. He looks the way he looked when they had first met. Young, scared, and beautiful. 

~~

The cherry blossoms danced as Hanzo stood looking over the streets of Hanamura. Jesse watched him nervously, unsure of how to approach the boss’s son. This mission had seemed so cut and dry. Fly to Japan, negotiate with the Shimada leader, turn them towards Overwatch, and then fly home. They had never expected the Shimada clan to have such a strangle hold on Hanamura, and a large part of Japan. They didn’t fear Overwatch. The leader was a small man, but he overpowered the room in a way that almost shadowed Reyes’. The heir was nervous though. Reyes saw that the moment they arrived, Jesse saw it too (after a small amount of explaining). He had been tasked with cracking the heir. This had been his first single mission, normally he worked with someone else due to his youth, but this time his youth was the reason he was working alone. Jesse and the Shimada heir were both young men thrown into old men’s war. Jesse expected to woo him over with his smooth talk. But now, Jesse stood stunned by the young man’s beauty.

The heir’s hair was long and silky, black tied in a low pony tail down the middle of his back. He wore a long white robe that Jesse didn’t know whether to call a robe or a kimono, although he was sure he would be wrong anyway. Jesse on the other hand looked like he had walked out of an old western. He wore a gingham, button up under his chest armor with a pair of Levi jeans. He had his signature accessories; the cowboy hat left over from his years in the Deadlock Gang, his cowboy boots with the golden spurs, and ,of course, the newest addition a large gold belt buckle that said “BAMF”. Reyes and the rest of Blackwatch had gifted the belt buckle to him when he had completed training. 

They looked silly standing together. Antiquated men shifting nervously in traditional Japanese clothing and a full blown cowboy get-up. Jesse started laughing getting a small jump and curious look from Hanzo. 

“What?” Hanzo says curtly trying to hide his awkwardness with the illusion of power. 

“Look at us,” Mcree chuckles gesturing towards the two of them. “What century is this?”

Hanzo looks him over once and then himself before cracking a smile. After a few chuckles they slip into uncontrollable laughter. The tension in the air dissipates. Jesse takes a step closer peering over the streets. Hanzo moves closer a miniscule amount, but it’s enough that Jesse notices. He smiles softly looking down at the man. 

“Japanese traditional clothing is still very much in style,” Hanzo teases looking up at Jesse, “Unlike your cowman custome.”

Jesse laughs, loudly. “I think I look damn good, sugar!” 

Who would have known how McCree would carry this man in his heart for fifteen years? How he had a stranglehold on Mcree’s mind? How they would find each other again, without even looking, in the wind and the sun?  
~~

McCree looks out at the ocean taking a drag on his cigarillo. The sun is beginning its descent into the horizon. When he looks back towards the unnoticing Hanzo he focuses on the way the orange and red of the sunset frame his face. Does he know how gorgeous he is in the sunset? McCree shakes his head as if to shake away the thought. A gorgeous outside is not an indicator of a gorgeous inside, that much was true. He resituates his body as if to reaffirm his latent anger and disappointment. The Hanzo standing listlessly by the cliff was not the nervous boy from their past. He was the man who stopped contacting Jesse breaking his heart, the man who lead a crime organization with a harsh hand, the man who murdered his brother for disobedience, the man who came into the meeting room today and asked for forgiveness, patience and a chance to work out his relationship with Genji. Mcree scoffs. Genji could forgive all he wants. McCree would be civil and that was it. 

He takes a glance back at Hanzo. Hanzo has his hair all the way down, wind whipping it around. The yellow ribbon that usually holds it in place is clenched in his fist. He takes a deep breath, rubs his face with his hand and begins the task of retying his hair. He holds the ribbon in his mouth and runs his hands through his hair a few times, smoothing it back and making sure all the longer pieces are in it’s place. He takes the hair tie off his wrist and wraps it around. Once the ponytail is secure and the edge pieces fluffed out Hanzo ties the ribbon in his hair. McCree is almost impressed with how meticulously well Hanzo styles his hair without a mirror. Hanzo smooths down his clothes before turning back towards the building, coincidentally putting him right in eye contact with McCree.. There isn’t enough time for McCree to move so their eyes meet. He doesn’t expect the hurt in himself and in Hanzo’s eyes. Hanzo hesitates for a beat before looking away and scurrying towards the building. McCree’s eyes follow him until the door shuts. He looks back to the ocean trying to calm his heart. He throws the butt of the cigarillo on the ground and makes his way back to the dorm area, defeatedly.   
~~

At dinner McCree sits beside Angela watching Hanzo from a far. Hana sits between Hanzo and Genji talking to Hanzo excitedly in Korean. She had already become infatuated with the older Shimada. Hanzo looks at her with the same eyes McCree had seen look at Genji when Genji would explain some video game to Hanzo. Hanzo nods and listens intently smiling softly the whole time. He responds to her in clear Korean that, to McCree’s untrained ears, sounds fluent. 

Lucio however sits beside Genji shooting Hanzo daggers. He obviously had been told about the Shimada brother’s history. Anytime Hanzo goes to speak to Genji, Lucio loudly begins another conversation keeping eye contact with Hanzo. Hanzo doesn’t stand up for himself though. He sits patiently and politely until Lucio finishes.

The veterans give Hanzo wary looks. No one but Hana, Genji, and Zenyatta seem comfortable breaking bread with the murderer. 

McCree eats his food quickly, excusing himself from the table. He has all intention of staying far away from Hanzo. McCree leaves in a hurry not noticing Fareeha following behind him. “Jesse,” she calls catching him in the hallway before his room.

McCree turns to her, “Hey, baby girl, what can I do for ya?” 

“He’s the guy from your photograph, right?” she asks.

“Unfortunately,” 

She puts an arm around McCree’s shoulder. She stands almost a two inches taller than him making McCree feel the tiniest insecure. “Are you alright, then?” She scans his face for answers. 

McCree pulls her into a hug and laughs. “Yeah, baby girl, it’s all water under the bridge. I’m cool as a cucumber.”

She hums a knowing hum she must have picked up from Angela along the way. “You’ll let me know if it’s not, right?”

“You’ll be the first person I call on,” he says tipping his hat. “Now, let me get back to my room so I can rinse some of this gunk off. “  
~~

The next few weeks Hanzo keeps to himself. McCree sees him here and there, running laps around the track, fidgeting through meditation with Zenyatta and Genji, listening happily to Hana. Once Hanzo is cleared to join training with the other agents he excels. He is follows directions well, while also offering smart, strategic changes that makes even Soldier 76 agree. He gains people’s trust throughout it all. Winston appreciates the new eyes on the cliffside watch point's security. Lena and Genji rope Hanzo into races even getting Lucio to join in. Lucio even lets Hanzo get a few words in during the dinner. 

McCree however does everything in his power to avoid Hanzo. He rushes out of rooms the other is in. He talks animatedly ignoring any eye contact Hanzo tries to make. The only time they interact is during training. McCree singles Hanzo out whenever he can. He knows it’s childish and it gets him hit more often than not. But he can’t help but feel some sort of pride when Hanzo’s name appears on his kill list. 

He manages to ignore Hanzo for two weeks before they finally run into each. 

“Je-,” Hanzo starts before fixing himself. “McCree-san, could we speak?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Sorry to anyone who had to deal with me misspelling McCree the whole last chapter... : /  
> There will be more interaction between the older Hanzo and McCree in the next chapter.  
> Feel free to leave comments, questions, and critiques!  
> Have a great day!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very long flash back and some angry boys.

Like most children during the Omnic Crisis, McCree was forced to grow up too fast. Before he was in kindergarten his mother was lost to the U.S. Prison Industrial Complex. His father remarried the following year moving McCree from the comfort of their home, a dream like place McCree remembered with rose colored shades. Once the Omnic Crisis broke out, McCree’s father was killed in the first rebellions. James McCree was pronounced dead at 11;55 a.m. on what had been a normal Thursday, shot three times by a rogue omnic that had worked beside him everyday at the factory. After James’s death McCree and his step mother moved into a small apartment with her siblings and their older children. When McCree was old enough to read the street signs his uncles and cousins employed him as a package delivery boy for the town's infamous DeadLock Gang. He spent his youth delivering drugs for the gang until he was deemed old enough to shoot. 

McCree had been caught three times in his life. The first was when he was eight, caught by the police. His step mother rushed in melodramatically clutching the young McCree to her chest. “My Jesse is a sweet boy!” she blubbered, “I have no clue what he was doing with those boys and frankly officer, I don’t think he did either.” They left the station her still clutching his hand wiping fake tears away from her eyes. When they were in her car and in the parking lot of their apartment, she dropped the act. 

“I will never do this again for you,” she said clearly looking over at Jesse with disgust and anger. “Get caught again and they’ll put you in jail. You’ll get lost.,” she warned. “LIke your mother.” she spit the last part out causing Jesse to flinch. 

The second time he was caught was by Blackwatch and the enigmatic Commander Reyes. Bloody and terrified he was given a choice. Join Blackwatch and put his impressive aim to good or go to prison. McCree thought of his mother again. The way she looked in the drab colored prison uniform, grinning brightly promising to be out soon, holding McCree tightly. The way she kissed his nose when visitation hours were over. The confusion McCree felt when she wasn’t there the next visitation day, the way the officers looked at them apathetically as they searched computers to find out where she went. McCree wasn’t sure if he would survive joining Blackwatch but he knew damn well he would never survive prison. “If you’ll have me, boss,” he said shakily trying to sound confident.

The third time was in an arcade in Hanamura. Jesse was caught in Hanzo’s eyes, caught in the moment. 

When Mcree was young and in love, he had toyed with the word soulmate. It drifted around his mind causing his cheeks to tint pink and making butterflies flutter in a stomach that had just gotten used to being full. Jesse hadn’t had an actual childhood but with the Shimada brothers he felt young and free. He had convinced Reyes to let him continue spending time with Hanzo during the duration of their mission. Reyes had agreed grumbling, under the pretense that once the mission was over McCree was back on regular duty. 

Everyday that spring, Jesse would meet Hanzo in the garden. Some days, Genji would be there laughing loudly or teasing Hanzo. Other days they would be alone, spend the whole day talking, learning about each other. Jesse drank every drop of information Hanzo would let slip. He was head over heels for the Japanese man, even without the physical attraction. For a cowboy who lived with actual famous heros, Hanzo was still the coolest person he had known. 

One day when he went to the garden he found both Shimada brother sitting together laughing. Genji perched on the armrest of a bench, feet placed firmly in the seat. Hanzo sat properly, dressed in street clothing as opposed to his normal traditional attire. He wore loose jeans and a graphic tee a size too big. His hair was loose round his shoulders. At this point, Jesse had stopped wondering if Hanzo could get more attractive, because the answer would be always.

“Howdy,” Jesse tipped his hat to the brothers. 

Genji laughed. “The cowboy is back!” he hopped up, running to Jesse’s side.

Hanzo stood smiling shyly. “Good morning, Jesse,” he spoke softly.

“No, McCree-san?” Jesse questioned looking kindly down at Hanzo catching the slightest shade of pink on his cheeks.

“I figured we were friends by now,”

“I would say we are,” McCree drawled.

“Oh!” Genji’s green hair pushed between them. “Stop flirting. I’m bored.” He demanded gaining a chuckle from McCree.

Hanzo frowned, “Genji!” he chided. “Where are your manners.” He hid behind scolding Genji but McCree could see the red darkening on his cheeks. 

“Well, then, Genji, what do you want to do?” Jesse asked. 

“The arcade!” Genji grinned. 

“Well, I think Hanzo and I could still flirt there,” Jesse teased.

Hanzo’s face turned a deeper shade of red. He huffed. “Fine, I would enjoy beating Genji,” he smirked.

They walk down the streets of Hanamura lazily. Genji ran ahead light on his feet, as if he’s floating. Outside the walls of Shimada castle Hanzo laughed freer, smiled wider, spoke louder. He teased his brother, he pouted when he lost, he goaded his wins. He had what Jesse can tell was real honest fun. And Jesse did too. The years of childhood he lost came back in the dark of the arcade. All the poor cards he had been dealt were forgiven with the neon lights and the crisp robotic sounds from the cabinets. 

The two brothers played for hours while Jesse cheered them on. Never having experience with the arcade games, Jesse found himself unable to join in. Hanzo wearing a t-shirt made it easier for Jesse to admire his extensive dragon tattoo. The lines were clean and smooth, the color vibrant. Jesse had never seen a tattoo that looked so much like it was born with the person. He had only a few stick and pokes and a deadlock gang symbol covered up by the Blackwatch symbol. Jesse reached out to lazily trace the lines on Hanzo’s arm. Hanzo looked over at his touch but let him continue.

Eventually, Genji got tired of losing to Hanzo and whined to play against McCree. “I want to play against someone it will be easy to beat,” he grinned leaning around his machine to look at the two. 

They both looked to Jesse who held up his hands in a don’t shoot gesture.

“Go on Jesse,” Hanzo pushed him towards the machine. “Show Genji he is a bad player,”

Jesse stood in front of the foreign controls. Having watched the brothers play Jesse can tell it's a fighting game. The stick moved the character and the buttons kick and punch. He looked over the characters trying to figure out which one was the best. Jesse choose the bear. 

“Kuma!” the game’s announcer yelled at him. The bear roared loudly when the game began. Mcree smashed the buttons quickly losing the first game and the second and the third game. 

“You have no clue what you’re doing,” Hanzo said matter of factly approaching the cabinet.

Jesse hung his head, “Guilty as charged,”

“I will teach you,” Hanzo poked his head around the machine and spoke to Genji in Japanese. “He will give you a practice round. Get familiar with the controls.” Jesse nodded. “Try Christie, she will be easier to control. “ Hanzo instructed. He shows Jesse the moves, the strategies, the combos. The first round Jesse does better, not great, but better. Each game there is improvement.

“I’m liking this little spin kick girl,” Jesse grinned, this game he had won a round. 

“Pay attention!” Hanzo snapped gaining a goofy grin from Jesse. 

“Block!”

“Counter.”

“Kick!”

Hanzo stood excitedly behind Jesse. The game was one to one. “You can win Jesse! Keep focus!” He put a hand on Jesse’s arm.

“3...2...1… fight!” the game announced. Hanzo moved his hand as the two run towards each other. Jesse’s hp fell quickly, Genji getting a few good early combos in. But Jesse gained some group pushing Genji’s health bar close to the red. They're close the whole time but Jesse barely squeaked by. 

“You won!” Hanzo yelled throwing his arms up and around Jesse. 

“I won!” Jesse echoed picking Hanzo up into a spinning hug. After a 360 he put Hanzo back down. He looked at Hanzo’s face lit by the character select screen. His eyes sparkled. Jesse leaned down pressing a small kiss to Hanzo’s lips.

The kiss felt like a century and a second at the same time. Jessie was sure his heart beat could be heard by everyone in the arcade. When they part both ard flushed with embarrassment. Hanzo looked at Jesse in slight shock, the smallest of smiles on his face.

“I want to go home!” Genji demanded before either men can speak.

The three walk home in silence. Genji walked ahead watching the stars. Hanzo walked close to Jesse. Jesse tried his hardest to keep his cool when Hanzo slips his hand into Jesse's lacing their finger together.  
~~

“I’m sorry for asking so much of you,” Hanzo says bluntly outside the mess hall. The two had awkwardly run into each other after dinner. Mcree had been actively avoiding Hanzo since his arrival, doing everything from pretending to be on a phone, to joking loudly with Lucio to overshadow any movements Hanzo was making. But tonight he had zoned out, happily full from Lucio’s cooking. He had assumed Hanzo was doing the same but he had cornered Mcree after dinner.

“What?” Mcree spat looking down at Hanzo. Jesse McCree is like a rattlesnake. He straightens his back standing up straight and wide, projecting himself larger than he is. He takes a single, loud step his spurs jingling like a rattler primed to attack. He’s trying to warn the other that he will attack.

“I’m trying to, what do you call it, tie up the loose ties in my life, right any wrongs I can, or just apologize for those I can not,” Hanzo explains. His voice is rougher, older and up this close Mcree can see the gray hairs in his beard.

“I don’t need your apologizes,” Mcree says coldly. “You’ve made your bed and I hope you enjoy sleeping in it.” 

“Mcree... I am sorry, I asked you to be too much in my life, you were young too,” Hanzo continues ignoring the venom in Mcree’s voice. “I expected you to take me away. I expected you to do more than you were capable of doing. I took my anger at my situation out on you, I stopped answering your messages, your phone calls because of it. My anger has ruined many things in my life. I just-”

Mcree scoffs. “Hanzo, I’m not Genji, I don’t care about your loose ties. I’m over whatever we have. It isn’t important to me anymore. You aren’t important to me anymore.” Mcree doesn’t expect to feel so guilty when Hanzo flinches back at the words. 

“Th-that is true,” the once strong leader utters out. He takes a moment to compose himself. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I will return to my quarters now.” Hanzo turns and leaves with that, walking quickly trying to hold himself together. Mcree fights off every old urge to run after him and embrace him. Mcree reminds himself that he deserves to be angry. He deserves to be that mean. 

Mcree stomps back to his room, the happy feeling of a full belly replaced by the gnawing feeling of an empty heart. He hates how seeing the man again brought back the feelings he had buried deep. They were after all just a summer fling. A passionate, beautiful summer fling between two young men forced to grow up too quickly. Men who hadn’t felt a gentle hand since their mother’s had passed. Men who clicked as if they had known each other their whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out! I had a lot of trouble with how to start this chapter and honestly it feels a little clunky to me.  
> This chapter is, as all chapters are, dedicated to the HBIC.  
> As always any feedback is always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple flashbacks and a nice moment with Lucio. Also, not sure if it's important but there is an insinuation of sex in the beginning of this chapter.

McCree grumbles to himself as he walks to his room. He slams the door behind him and flops down on his bed. He should clean his room. There are piles of dirty clothes and piles of clean clothes he hasn’t folded yet. Cans of soda and empty cigarette packs litter the floor. He groans rolling away from the mess and towards the wall. Hana had taped up one of her posters and one of Lucio’s to “liven up” his room. They both grin at him. He rolls his eyes. He’s not in the mood for their cheery poses. Hanzo had really ruined his night. What right did Hanzo have? Who does he think he is trying to walk back into McCree’s life? He closes his eyes, frustrated, and settles into the bed. He can feel the weight of the day washing over him. When he finally dozes off, he dreams of the warm days in Hanamura. 

The dreams of Hanamura had become more frequent in the past month. He normally dreamed of the mundane days spent with Hanzo. It was a different Hanzo he dreamed about than the one in reality. This was the Hanzo who hadn’t abandoned him. He dreamed of the warmth of his touch, the smell of his hair, the way he felt in McCree’s arm. He normally woke up feeling better when he had these dreams, at least until he realized they were dreams. 

Tonight however his dreams twist together, bleed the bad with the good. They start off with the day he meet Shimada-san in the garden instead of Hanzo. 

“Ah, the young McCree,” he grinned rising to meet Jesse.”My sons are finishing their practice, they will be able to play with you soon enough.”

“Howdy, Shimada-san,” Jesse reached out a hand to shake the man’s hand. He let a goofy smile sit on his lips but kept his eyes wide, searching for hidden intentions.

“I was hoping we could speak,” he sat down ignoring Jesse’s extended hand. He patted the bench beside him indicating for Jesse to sit. “I’m not blind to you and Hanzo’s relationship,” he spoke slowly, carefully, commanding. He doesn’t allow Jesse a moment to respond. “And I do appreciate you entertaining him. But I don’t want you to misunderstand what’s happening here.” Shimada-san looked up at the trees, a small smile on his face. “Hanzo is my heir. One day, he will led my legacy. He will soon have no time to play with an American boy who wishes to play superhero. I don’t ask you to stop your fun but to understand; when your troupe of entertainers leaves, this” he gestured, ”will also end.” Hanzo’s father’s voice softened towards the end of his speech. “Know that you will never be what you think you are to him. You will only be a fond memory.”

“With all due respect, sir” Jesse began, his hands trembling the slightest amount. He tried to calm himself, go over what Reyes had taught him but failed. “But I think what I am to Hanzo depends purely on him. And ain’t got a thing to do with your legacy. Hanzo is his own man.”

“You are young. You will understand,” he placed a well intentioned hand on Jesse’s knee. “I’m just giving you an option to protect yourself.”

McCree jumped up fists clenched by his side. “Thank you for your concern but, I don’t need your protection.” he spat out.

“I'm sorry, I’m running late! Genji plays too much,” Hanzo yelled walking out into the garden.. His hair was wet from an after practice shower. His eyes fell on his father. “Father, I didn't expect to see you here.” his smile stayed but he eyed the two suspiciously.

“Even old men enjoy the sun now and then,” the man laughed loudly standing up. “But I will leave the sun to the young men. Captain Reyes must be tired of waiting for me.” He strolled towards the exit of the garden placing a gentle hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. He said something quickly and sternly in Japanese getting an obedient nod from Hanzo. “It was pleasure talking to you McCree.” He said facing back towards McCree. 

His face melts into Hanzo’s. 

Hanzo was standing in front of McCree expectantly. He was dressed in a fitted suit, a loose red tie around his neck. His hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, so typical of Hanzo. McCree was standing on the edge of the room, scoping out the party. Other Blackwatch agents stood around the room watching for trouble. Reyes stood with Shimada-san, pulled up front by the old man. Shimada-san was making a toast. He had invited the members of Blackwatch to his get together “Let me show you how the Japanese party.” he had grinned. 

“Jesse come with me,” Hanzo instructed placing a firm hand on Jesse’s chest, pushing him away from the party. 

McCree tried to ask Hanzo what he was doing but he just put a finger on McCree’s lips. “Sh, Genji is covering for us, hurry.” Hanzo led McCree down a dizzying amount of hallways. He ran ahead of McCree holding his hand. The hallways are long and wooden, sliding doors on the side. There are wall scrolls depicting traditional Japanese scenes but they move past them so fast McCree can’t tell what’s in them. The mystery of the castle gave McCree a giddy feeling. 

Hanzo came to an abrupt stop in front of a room, he quickly opened the door and pushed McCree in. The room was filled with anime figures and manga. It was neat and put together though. McCree studied the room realizing it was Hanzo’s room. He looked to Hanzo for guidance, what he expected to happen. 

Hanzo moved to McCree and placed a less firm but still guiding hand on his chest. He giggled pushing McCree toward and onto the bed. He straddled McCree, face flushed. McCree set his hands on Hanzo’s hips waiting for guidance. The moon shined in through Hanzo’s window giving the room a divine feeling. McCree had never prayed a day in his life but he was ready to worship Hanzo, if he’d let him. Hanzo bent to kiss McCree, his long hair falling to the side of his face.

The two lay together holding each other for dear life. McCree placed continuous kisses on Hanzo’s hair holding him close to his chest. He felt Hanzo’s breathing even out becoming a steady, heavy rhythm. He had fallen asleep. He took his time studying the room, looking at the wall scrolls, studying the figures. Hanzo’s room was packed full of him. McCree felt privileged to enter the space. Privileged to lay in the same bed as him. 

His phone vibrated from his pants across the room, where they had been thrown. He sighed sliding as quietly as he could out of the bed. He placed a kiss on Hanzo’s forehead. “I love you,” he whispered onto the soft skin. 

“Where are you?” the text read. It was from Reyes. 

Reyes’s face bleeds into the memory. Grinning wide, teasing McCree. “You letting him get to you again?” he asks a smirk on his lips. “You gotta stop letting the Shimada princess get to you.”

McCree jolts up in his bed. He groans pulling a heavy hand down his face. That wasn’t what he had intended when he fell asleep. He wanted happier dreams, not Reyes’s big ass head popping in to ruin everything. Now, he was angry again. Angry at Hanzo,angry with himself. He breathes heavily before letting out a loud groan. He might as well go smoke.

He stomps down the hall to the first open door to the outside. He stands on a bridge looking over the loading dock. He leans over the balcony as he smokes. To his surprise Hanzo and Genji are standing outside talking. They break out into laughter. He watches them carefully glaring at Hanzo and his happiness. But Mcree notices before Genji, Hanzo isn’t laughing anymore. Hanzo’s face is falling apart, he’s sobbing silently. When Genji finally notices he reaches for Hanzo who slaps his hand away. He can’t understand what they’re saying. But he watches as Hanzo turns back to his brother, reaches for Genji's face allows his brother to move his arms around him, holding him without touching him. 

“Hey Eastwood,” Lucio says putting a hand on McCree’s shoulder. “I don’t like the guy much either but I don’t think you should be watching this.” 

Mcree turns towards Lucio, the part of his brain still run by Reyes berates him for getting snuck up on by a boy wearing roller blades. “No, I reckon I shouldn’t.” he says.

“Why don’t we go inside and get some coffee?” Lucio offers looking back down at the brothers. “Ya know the medic in me is going to tell you you shouldn’t be smoking.” He smiles leading McCree back inside and towards the small kitchenette that was open to the agents when the mess hall was closed. 

McCree rolls his eyes. 

“Hey, hey I get it,” Lucio grins throwing his hands up, “I would also die for my aesthetic.” Lucio elbows McCree teasingly. Once in the kitchen, Lucio goes to the coffee pot. “Yes! Someone just made a fresh pot!” he pumps his fist in the air. “Lemme guess. You’re a tough guy. You like it black?” he asks getting out two styrofoam cups. 

“I can make my own damn coffee,” McCree smiles taking the cup from Lucio. “And no, Luci, I like a little bit of cream.” 

The two sit down with their coffee, McCree siping on his and Lucio holding the cup close humming happily. McCree felt better with the warm coffee sitting in his chest. He looks out the window, the image of Hanzo breaking down stuck in his head. He didn’t feel good seeing that face. If Hanzo’s happiness upset him the sorrow McCree had just witnessed upset him more.

“Ya know, I’ve been thinking,” Lucio starts looking at McCree. “When Genji first brought Hanzo here, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How could Genji forgive someone who had betrayed him so intensely? I still have trouble looking at Satya,” he frowns. Satya had joined their group a few months ago, a kind of ambassador for the Vishkar company. “But I talked to Genji, confronted him on what he was thinking. He told me about how angry he was. How much he hated Hanzo and their family. He told me it had been ruining him. All he could focus on was anger. He found Zenyatta and worked his butt off to reach a point of forgiveness.

I think he really wants to make things better between them. He wants his brother to forgive himself and let go of all that internal hatred. And I think he wants the same for his friends. I really think he would hate for his friends to harbor this anger for his brother. I think it would demean all the work he put in. I think, maybe, we should be nicer to that guy…” he trails off sipping on his coffee. “For Genji’s sake.” He adds holding up a finger. 

There’s a comfortable silence between the two while McCree mulls over what Lucio had said. He had to admit he hadn’t really been taking anyone’s but his own feelings into consideration. Lucio sits beside him swaying side to side still pleased with his warm drink. McCree places a hand on his shoulder. “You’re pretty smart, kid,” he smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Any feedback is always welcomed!  
> I had initially planned for this chapter and the next chapter to be one chapter but it ended up being dauntingly long so I decided to break it up and put this half up tonight and try to get the rest of the second half up soon. Instead of one long chapter and then nothing for a little while.  
> I have two papers due on Tuesday so expect an update before that (haha... ).  
> Also, hope the mixed dream wasn't too hard to follow I initially had it as a weird intersecting stream of consciousness but that seemed a little hard core and very hard to understand for a fan fiction (especially one in third person).  
> Thanks again for reading and hope you're having a wonderful day/night!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some drama boys doing their drama thing (a.k.a what happens when you read too much yaoi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning for some suicidal intent. Skip to the bottom to find out exactly when.   
> And also in the same realm if anyone needs to talk i'm here for any of y'all   
> My tumblr is http://virginianwolfsnake.tumblr.com/ I'd be happy to listen to anyone : )

“Don’t go,” Hanzo said softly, holding onto Jesse’s sleeve. The two stood in the garden, under the cherry blossom trees once again. The petals no longer dancing around in the wind, having died in the past week. The night air was still and the sounds from the city drifted in, creating a quiet backdrop to their scene. “Please,” 

Jesse’s heart broke at the desperate “please”. The next morning, Jesse and the rest of Blackwatch crew would return to the Swedish base putting an end to Jesse’s faux vacation. Their mission was done. Jesse had to return to the real world. He had to return to training, return to communal showers, return to cafeteria food, return to being Reyes’ “boy wonder.” But worst of all, he had to return without Hanzo. “Baby... sugar... darling,” Jesse cooed, his arms wrapping around Hanzo. “I have to. I have responsibilities. So do you.”

Hanzo sniffled not looking at Jesse. 

“We can keep in touch. There’s the phone and video chat. “ Jesse tried, placing a kiss on Hanzo’s head. 

Hanzo shrugged. “It’s not the same.” 

“I know but…” Jesse sighed putting his face in Hanzo’s hair taking in the clean smell of soap. 

“Then take me with you,” Hanzo’s voice was barely above a whisper. 

“I can’t. Your responsibilities...”

“I don’t want them. I want to be with you.” It was odd to hear Hanzo talk against his familial obligations in the confines of Shimada castle. He had talked before about how he was sure his family was always watching him and Genji inside the walls. 

“I’ll come back, cross my heart and hope to die.”

Hanzo pushed both arms around Jesse’s body. “Don’t say that. Don’t die.”

Jesse chuckled lightly. “It’s a saying, just means I swear on my heart.”

Hanzo nodded staying silent. He held Jesse tightly, face pressed into his chest. 

“I love you Hanzo Shimada. I will return for you. Then, we’ll go away, you and me. We can live somewhere near the ocean. We can even bring Genji if you want.” Jesse promised, talking directly into Hanzo’s ear.

Hanzo smiled pulling away from Jesse’s chest to look up at him. “I love you too.” he said proudly. They spend the last night entangled with each other, whispering sweet nothings to each other. Planning for a future that seemed so real at the time.

Their thoughts are interrupted by the shutting of the door. “Come on, kid,” Reyes said walking into their space. “We got to go.”

Jesse pulled away from Hanzo slowly. He left him with a last small kiss, unembarrassed having Reyes there to witness the small moment of intimacy. 

“You’ll be okay, kid,” Reyes said as they left the castle, putting an arm around Jesse’s shoulder. A moment of kindness from the normally harsh captain. 

From the transport, Jesse gazed down on the streets of Hanamura trying to pinpoint Hanzo’s home as if he could get one more last look at Hanzo. He wondered if Hanzo was in the garden looking at the stars, searching for their transport moving across the sky like a shooting star. He imagined Hanzo in the garden long hair blowing in the wind, the cherry blossoms dancing around him, just like the first day they’d met, tragically beautiful like the blossoms themselves.

~~

“I know who has a crush on you!” Hana sings plopping down on the couch beside McCree. McCree ignores her hoping the headphones would show her he wasn’t interested in talking. “Did you hear me?” she taps him on the shoulder. “McCree, I’m talking to you.”

McCree sighs over dramatically, pulling his headphones out. “What? Ain’t you see I’ve got my headphones in?” he holds the little blue buds out to show her. McCree had been sulking to bad music stuck in the same mud he’d been stuck in since Hanzo and shown up. 

“Yes, but I have such important news for you.” she draws out the words sitting forward on her knees. 

McCree rolls his eyes. “What’s so important you can interrupt a man's music?”

Hana reapplies the sing song voice. “Hanzo has a crush on you!”

McCree inhales sharply. “I think you’re mistaken.” he says through his teeth

“No I’m sure he does. I have proof.” she says matter of factly sitting back on her knees.

“And what is that, little lady?”

“Well first, I just asked, ‘Hey Hanzo you got a crush on anyone?’ and he hesitated, looked more uncomfortable than he normally does. So that was obviously a yes. So, then all I had to do was narrow it down to who. So, I watched him, like really studied him. 76 would have been proud. And I noticed something during our practices. There are two things he does during any training. 1. He looks for Genji. Is he safe? Then 2. He looks for you same thing. Are you safe? And when you’re on the opposite team, when he has to fire on you, he hesitates. It’s the slightest hesitation, overshadowed by your mistakes,” she teases waving a hand flippantly “And that’s without taking into account the looks of longing he sends your way when you’re not looking.” she sits proudly looking over at McCree.

“You’re wrong.” Mcree says bluntly. 

“How?” she demands. “All the signs are there! I figured it all out...”

“Little girl, you're’ way off. Do you want know the truth?:

She nods excitedly.

“Truth is we used to date. Long time ago. It was a fling,” he waves his hand faking nonchalance. 

“Maybe he wants to rekindle,” she squeals bring her arms up to her chest. 

McCree scoffs. “I doubt that. Look, Hana, I tried to make Hanzo and me work. Hanzo on the other hand never did. I loved him from the day we met and I loved him many days after he betrayed me. I’m tired of holding out for him.”

“What did he do?” Hana asks settling into the seat, ready for a story.

“When I left Hanamura, he begged me to stay. When it was clear I couldn’t he asked me to take him with me,” McCree begins staring in front of him. “I promised I’d come back. He promised to wait for me. I kept my damn promise. Even when he stopped talking to me. I came back. A year and a half later, two months after Hanzo had last responded to my messages. Reyes led a Blackwatch assassination of the leader of the Shimada-clan. Don’t give me that look.

Shimada-san ran a sect of the Yakuza known for weapon trafficking and Reyes thought if Hanzo got into power he would be easier to control than the old man. Overwatch needed that ally. They needed more of a foothold in Japan. And in my mind he was Hanzo’s captor. He kept us apart. He was the reason Hanzo had stopped answering my phone calls. He had to be, ya know? Hanzo was the princess trapped in that castle. Reyes let me keep my hands clean though. It was my job to secure the Shimada sons. I felt like a knight in shining armor ready to scoop Hanzo up and take him away somewhere better than his own castle. I was so stupid, almost brought flowers. I’d been saving all of my pay to take a vacation once we were together. I’d even started requisitioning his access to the watch point.”

McCree rolls his eyes at his past self. “Genji wasn’t in his room, though. The first sign of trouble was that his window was cracked the slightest amount. But I ignored that Hanzo being my real goal. There were small tables in the hallway. I had seen them when I was younger but there was new pictures on them. In them pictures Hanzo sat smiling with a beautiful girl. There were others of them standing in elegant formal wear surrounded by family. I realized why he had stopped talking to me. I realized the woman in the photo was wearing a wedding dress. The bastard had gotten married. And he didn’t have the guts to tell me. Hell, he probably he was engaged when he was kissing me during that spring. I’d kept my promise and he broke my heart…” McCree sighs looking up at Hana expecting a look of pity.

Instead she rolls her eyes. “You’re so western, McCree,” she laughs. “You all think marriage is only about love. Hazo was a boss's son. He’d probably been betrothed since he was child. Sure, it sucks and is bad he didn’t tell you but don't think he didn't love you. And I think he still does.” she pops up apparently done with the conversation. “I mean it’s your life but if he’s the reason you haven’t been yourself, haven’t been spending any time outside of your room, why let a little stupid grudge ruin your life.” She bounces away without a second thought. “Genji!” he hears her yell as she leaves the common room. 

He puts his headphones back in returning to his sulk. 

~~  
McCree finds the letter laying on top of his pillow. McCree it says in fine, even script. He ignores it for a moment taking the time to tidy up his room, a task he hadn’t took on in weeks. He puts dirty clothes in his already overflowing hamper. He fixes the photographs on his desk. The photo of the team that circulated the news it there. A photo of Reyes and him in Hanamura, Jesse’s first real big mission. A family photo of McCree, Ana, and a young Fareeha grinning with large pieces of watermelon in their hands. The last photo is bent and cracked, one he takes with him on every mission. That he had kept with him since he was small. A very young Jesse is held in his mother’s arms surrounded by a crowd of people. His mother holds him proudly, a wide grin on her face. This was the last protest he had been to. He had tried to go to other protests when he got out of Blackwatch, try to revive the part of him that was made by his mother. But he found he didn’t fit in, they were a place for younger men. So, he left 80% of his saving with the leader and went on his way. But the protest in the picture was where his mother was arrested. He remembers sitting in the holding cell waiting for his father. His mother singing gently to him, her songs in their native language. A language Reyes teased him for not knowing as well as he should. She was the first of many people he would lose in his life, Reyes included on that list. McCree could no longer count those he;s lost on his fingers but he said each name before he slept every night. He wonders who he had left that would write him a letter, a handwritten one at that.

He sighs finally deciding to tear open the letter.

“McCree, I’m sorry if you’re reading this. I had hoped you would tear it up at the sight of my name,” he takes a moment to look at the bottom of the letter _Hanzo Shimada_ sits in perfect font underneath kanji McCree can only image says the same thing. “ You are right to be angry. But I have to get the words out. I needed to write then to down.”

McCree folds the letter up, stuffing it in his pocket. He is going to need a smoke to deal with this. He slips his shoes on, grabs his hat and the pack of smokes on his bedside table. He takes his time walking out to his usual spot. The sun is setting over the horizon casting an orange light over the area. He lights his cigarette, masking the salty smell of the ocean with the heavy smell of cigarette smoke, and pulls the letter back out.

“Seeing you again these weeks has brought up feelings I had tried to bury. I’m sorry McCree but I still love you. I have always loved you since the day we met.” Mcree stops reading unable to read with his heart pounding.That’s when he sees him. Hanzo stands bathed in the sunlight again. This time his hair is down. He’s closer to the cliff now then the last time he had seen him. Slightly behind him is his hair tie folded neatly and held down by his bow. McCree has seen this setup before. Seen the same sad eyes on parents, business people, and people on their last straw. They leave their shoes, their wallet, the important possessions on the side of the bridge. He’d seen it out of windows as he passed by on the Golden Gate Bridge. 

_Holy shit, the idiot is going to jump._

“Now what in Sam Hill are you doing?” McCree yells sauntering over to where Hanzo is standing. The man jumps turning towards McCree. Hanzo is silent, looking McCree over with shaken eyes.

“You think your brother would appreciate this? You think he made all that peace with himself and with you for you to just waste it like this?” McCree continues to move closer, slowly, assuredly. 

“This is the best course of actions. I’m not Susano-oh, I can’t just wander the Earth doing good until I’m allowed back in the heavens. I will never and should never be allowed back in the heavens. I do not deserve Genji’s kindness or the kindness of the everyone here ,” Hanzo tries to reason. “I’ve ruined his life and I’ve become a burden. Genji has spent over a decade wasting his life on my mistakes. I can’t allow him to waste more.”

 

“You’re an idiot. Genji loves you. He wants to mend y’alls relationship. He isn’t just acting off of perceived responsibility like you have. This would kill him,” McCree argues. “How could you even think to do that again?”

Hanzo starts, pain washing over his face. “His life would have been better without me..” he utters defeated. He looks weak and broken a shell of the strong leader of the Shimada clan. The man McCree had seen in newspaper clippings. Mcree takes this moment of weakness to move closer and wrap his arms around Hanzo ushering him away from the cliff edge. It surprises McCree how right Hanzo still feels in his arms. “I’m so sorry…” he whispers moving away from McCree but at least farther away from the cliff side. “I hadn’t meant for you to get involved, I only meant to get us both some sense of closer.”

“I’m not here for me,” McCree says trying to control his shakiness in his voice, “Genji is my friend. If you were to hurt him I would have to kill you. And I can’t kill ya if you're already dead.”

“Sorry, that was presumptuous of me,” Hanzo nods bending to gather his things. He puts his hair back up in the same meticulous manner. With his hair back in place, the strong man from before has returned, composed and in control. “Thank you, McCree.” he says softly. “I will try to not bother you again.” He gives a small smile before turning to go. 

“Wait!” McCree blurts out wringing his hands together. Hanzo turns expectantly. “I… I won’t tell Genji,” he says weakly. He resists every urge to embrace Hanzo, a feeling he’s been fighting a lot recently. “And let me walk you back. Can’t trust ya.” he says tipping his hat a little. Feigning a joking matter.

Hanzo begins to protest but stops. He nods allowing McCree to walk beside him as they walk down the halls in silence. They stop in front of Hanzo’s door. 

“I don’t have anyway to thank you,” Hanzo says turning towards McCree. 

McCree shrugs. He looks down at Hanzo. This close all the pent up anger dissipates. He had convinced himself he was over the relationship. Over the dreams of them running away together, living together, being in love. He had announced he was over Hanzo publicly with Reyes and Ana. But in the moments of solitude, hiding away in the safe houses he would think of Hanzo. Sure, there had been other men and women. Hell, he’d pinned for a superior. But Hanzo had always been there, in the back of his mind. Reminding him of passionate kisses, needy looks, gentle touches, the word “love” tumbling in secrecy. A rose colored reminder of his youth. And here he stood again, something McCree had dreamed of, something he had never thought could happen. He was older, rougher, a new man. And yet despite his anger, his emotions that used to fuel him, he just wants to kiss him. Regain what they had once had. But McCree was a proud man and Hanzo was too, he had seen his picture in the paper. And Mcree would never break his-

Hanzo presses his lips to McCree gently at first. He rises up a little and tests the water. McCree pushes back and the two spend a passionate moment before pulling apart. Hanzo’s face is flushed and McCree wants nothing but to feel those lips again. Hanzo lets out a nervous laugh before McCree can push forward again. “I’m sorry. I’ve been dying to kiss you since I saw you at the meeting.” he explains turning towards the door. “I’m normally much more together than this.” Hanzo opens the door. “Forgive me for my weakness,” he says slipping inside the room before McCree can even respond or compose himself. 

“What the hell…? McCree utters standing alone in the hallway. Against his better judgement, he rushes to the door slamming his fists against it. “Hanzo!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **In Section 3 Paragraphs 5- ~13 is where the intent is. **  
> Thanks for reading chap 5!  
> I'm very excited to be done with this chapter. I plan to change POV and do a little writing as Hanzo for the next couple chapters and honestly I feel way more comfortable writing as him.  
> Hopefully everyone enjoyed this chapter and I realize now I never responded directly to everyone's "ow" comments in chap 3 but sorrrry ~~ (to both parts of that sentence)  
> As always any feedback (questions, comments, critique) is welcome!!  
> Thanks again for reading  
> PS. if you're interested in what McCree listens to when he sulks it's any Brand New song about a broken heart (see: all of them). He also frequents bad Front Bottoms songs, Linkin Park and of course Country Western (especially "Hello Darling") Only the classics for our boy lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, things got pretty dramatic last chapter, huh? Lets ignore all that and dive into Hanzo's mind. In which Hanzo spends his first day in Overwatch.

“You want your brother to join Overwatch?” Soldier 76 repeats. His visor blocks his eyes but Hanzo can tell he is glancing between the two brothers in surprise. 

Genji nods, surprisingly patient. Hanzo hadn’t known his brother to have a single patient bone in his body. Now, he sat beside Hanzo, back straight, hands in his lap, nodding patiently at the exasperated 76. 

“Your brother?” 76 tries again. Hanzo can tell what he’s really trying to say. “Your brother? The one who murdered you? Ex-Yakuza boss? Wanted criminal? You want him to join our rag tag team of heros?” Hanzo balls his hands into fists trying to ease some of the tension. And to get the dragons to maybe hush for a moment. They haven’t stopped blabbering in the back of his head since Genji came back into their lives. 

“Yes, 76,” Genji says. “My brother! See the family resemblance?” he pops open his visor to show his scarred face. Hanzo’s breath catches. He isn’t used to Genji’s face. He’s not used to the way the visor connects right to the skin, in much the same way his legs connect to his knees. He is glad to see the same kind eyes as Genji leans closer to Hanzo, his hand gesturing between the two men. 

76 sighs. “Yes, Genji. I see the resemblance,”

“He doesn’t understand why you would be willing to forgive your murderer,” Hanzo finally says bluntly, tired of watching the two beat around the bush. 

Genji frowns. “I would think a bit of forgiveness and redemption would be easily understood in this establishment,” He sighs putting hands behind his head in a relaxed way. “Master Zenyatta and I have spoken about paths to reconciliation. And we’ve decided Overwatch is the place for Hanzo and I to become brothers again. And a good place for him to atone for his sins. Plus, he’s very good with a bow.” he adds with a wink before closing his visor.

Hanzo’s shoulders tense at Zenyatta’s name. He still wasn’t comfortable with the Omnic’s position in Genji’s life. Although, it was more to do with what Hanzo couldn’t do than what Zenyatta had done. Genji reaches over to set a hand on Hanzo’s arm but stops when Hanzo flinches away from the cold touch of metal. 

“Fine,” 76 sighs loudly running a hand through his hair. “But he stays in your room for a period. Until he earns our trust.”

Genji nods, “Of course.”

“Ad you’ll need to leave you bow in a locker. And we’ll check your things,” 76 continues slipping into a military like voice. 

Hanzo shakes his head. “No I refuse. What if the base is attacked? That will leave me completely open. “ His grip tightening on his bow resting in his lap. 

“Then you can leave,” 76 says bluntly. I can’t put everyone else in danger just for you, Shimada-san.”

“Don’t worry, onii-chan, this base is well protected. Your bow will not need to sleep by your head,“ Genji says ghosting a hand on Hanzo’s leg. They haven’t touched yet both of them hyperaware of Genji’s new metal body. 

Hanzo’s brows furrow. He takes in a deep breath and places Storm Bow on the table. “How will I know my weapon is safe?” he warily asks hand still gripped around the shaft of the bow. 

“Genji will have the key to your locker,” 76 says seemingly disappointed that Hanzo isn’t up and walking out the door. 

He takes a moment to contemplate before letting go of the bow. 76 excuses himself to get the locked box.

“Thank you,” Genji says softly. “I know being unarmed is difficult for you.” It almost feels like Genji is mocking him.

Alone, the dragons begin again, excited to see Genji. “Genji-kun,” the cacophony of their chittering keeps Hanzo even more on edge. He nods laying his bag on the table beside the bow. 

76 returns with a large box. He picks up the box and places it on the table. He puts storm bow in first eyeing Hanzo suspiciously. Hanzo reaches into his bag on the table laying the items in the bag out on the table. There is datapad, a bottle of sake (unopened and wrapped in a shirt), another shirt, a pair of jeans, workout shorts, and three pairs of underwear. There is also the newspaper clipping Genji had left in his bag, a hygiene set, (including a toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush, some hair ties and floss), a set of razors, and a knife which 76 takes out with the razors and the sake. Lastly a small toy of Alphonse Elric. He unlatches the quiver from his back and places it into the box. Genji picks up the toy and holds it gently in his hand. Hanzo resists the urge to snatch it away. He’s taken off guard again by their similarity. He becomes self conscious of his legs and what had led to their loss. Edward had lost his limbs trying to save his brother. Hanzo had lost his trying to kill his own.

76 takes the box back out the room without a word. Genji helps put the bag back together. “Follow me to the morning meeting,” 76 instructs coming back into the room. 

“Onii-chan,” Genji hands the toy back to Hanzo. “It’s been so long since I’ve thought of this show. Remember when we used to play as the characters in the garden.? You would make mother braid your hair and then we would wrap your arm in tin foil.”

“How could I forget ? You wore a pan on your head,” he smiles, “We would also wrap you inr arms in legs and tin foil.”

“You begged mother for her red pea coat,” Genji laughs. 

“We would spend the whole day drawing chalk circles all along the garden,” Hanzo chuckles.

“Alright boys, they’re ready to hear from you,” 76 says peeking his head out the door. 

“I have missed you ,” Genji says quickly moving to 76’s side. Hanzo follows behind him heart breaking. 

“Genji- kun!” the dragons coo in the back of his mind. They’ve been repeating his brother’s name over and over again the whole day. When he stands from his bow his eyes fall directly on Jesse McCree. McCree’s face has aged like fine wine. He is gritty and weathered, the Grand Canyon held less grace. Throughout the rest of the meeting he sits beside Genji stealing small glances at McCree. He sips on McCree’s new look the same way he would sip at the beers his father would give him when he was young, the sips burn when they go down but they make him feel dizzy. McCree makes him feel dizzy. Which only slightly masks the glares coming from the gunslinger. 

After the meeting people surround him and Genji. Hanzo stands uncomfortably beside Genji, backpack still in his hands. He shakes hands with people, the dragons playing around with their names making it difficult to put any together with their faces. 

“I’m Hana!” A small Korean girl pops in front of him she holds her hands out for him to shake. He notices her soft hands and bright nails. She doesn’t fit in with the other soldiers in the room. “Genji told me you speak Korean.” she states switching to her native tongue. 

“Yes, I speak Korean,” Hanzo says in Korean. “My name is Hanzo.” He shakes her hand as she squeals. 

“You will be my new gossip buddy,” she declares. She points to different people in the room giving their own “D.VA Bios,”. She only gets as far as the large German man Hanzo had seen on all the old Overwatch posters (“Reinhardt: German grandpa cooks the best! Loves Dungeons and Dragons lore”). 

“Hana!” Soldier 76 says sternly, walking up behind the girl. “I think you have training to get to, yes?”

Hana purses her lips, frustrated. “Yes.”

“Maybe you should get to that and leave Mr. Shimada alone.” 76 suggests. 

“I suppose I’ll continue at dinner,” Hana groans dramatically throwing her head back. “See you around Hanzo. I gotta go train with gramps.” She throws a flippant hand up as she exits with 76 and the rest of the members set out to start their training. 

“Let me show you to my room,” Genji says waving at Lucio. They walk to the dormitories, Hanzo taking care to memorize the way. There’s a plate next to Genji’s door that read [i]RM 307. Genji Shimada[/i]. The room across the hall reads [i]RM 306 Tekhartha Zenyatta[/i]. Of course their rooms where near each other. He found himself wondering which room was McCree’s. Was it even on this hall?

“This is my room,” Genji says opening the door. “I’ll have then bring a cot up for you.”

“Do not trouble yourself. I need only a pillow and a blanket. I can sleep on the floor.” Hanzo says quickly. He hadn’t come here to be a problem for Genji. 

“It’s no worries, I want you to be comfortable,” he waves.

Hanzo sets his pack down. The dragons continue their chittering, alternating between the excitement of being near Genji again and the pain of seeing McCree again. “Oh.. okay,” he stutters closing his eyes. He hasn’t had a moment to calm them down. His dragons were excitable but the demands of hearing them constantly in the back of his head often gave him a headache. But they hadn’t been this talkative in a long time. They stopped talking to him when he had slain Genji and had only returned a little when he abandoned the clan. 

“If you wish to step outside you can. The door to the cliffside is at the end of the hall.” Genj says fiddling with his games. “I trust you will not leave.”  
Hanzo nods thankfully. 

 

Hanzo breaths in deeply, taking in the ocean breeze. It’s nice to have a moment of silence to speak to the dragons. Closing his eyes, he finds himself in a familiar white landscape. He hears them before he sees them. 

“Genji-kun,” they sing excitedly. Two long celestial dragons encircle Hanzo. They play around him wrapping around his body. “Do we have to fight our brother again?” they finally ask.

Hanzo waits a moment. “No, I will not ask that of you again,” he says softly. They wrap around him tighter. 

“Jesse,” they say suddenly. They slow down the circling. “Pain.”

“Pain,” he nods. “Old pain so we must move past this.” he guides them. “We are stronger than this part of our past.”

“Strong,” they repeat speeding up again. 

“Give me silence, please. Let me think this though alone,” he instructs lifting his arms up as if he’d holding them. 

Hanzo can feel they understand when they leave his side, back to wherever they live. Hanzo had never been brave enough to venture out into the white abyss. 

He opens his eyes and puts his hair back up in a pony tail. He breathes deeply once more forcing himself to turn back towards the dorms. He can’t let the members of Overwatch see his weaknesses. He turns away from the ocean and sees McCree standing there watching him. His breath catches.

“Pain,” the dragons echo. 

He takes Jesse in in a large gulp that burns. He’s reminded of being a child, accidentally drinking from his father beers. The hat is still there, so is the loud boots. The red serape is new. And the metal arm is new. He turns away quickly skittering back towards the dorms. 

 

Hanzo returns to the room out of breath. He finds a ziploc bag with a sandwich. On the bag lays a note from Genji [i]I’m assuming you still forget to eat when you’re stressed.[/i] The note is signed with the goofy face Genji has apparently turned his signature in.

Genji isn’t back to the room yet and he has no obligations to attend to. He sits down on the ground by his bag. He pulls out his datapad and pulls up an inconsequential manga. He reads through the pages numbly, more focused on the act of doing something than the actual manga. When the female protagonist stares longingly at the male lead, he’s reminded of the way he used to catch McCree looking at him during dinners between his father’s men and the Blackwatch agents. This leads him to thinking about the terrible looks the cowboy had given him during the meeting. He could tell in an instant that McCree despised him. And he couldn’t blame him. He could only really blame Genji for not giving Hanzo any sort of warning that his ex was part of the recall. 

Speaking of Genji, the cyborg waltzes into the room, his mask up and a pleasant smile on his face. Hanzo stares at the scars eyes widening. He imagines one day he’ll be able to look at Genji’s face again. Genji locks eyes with Hanzo and quickly flips the mask back down. 

“What are you doing on the floor?” he asks looking down at Hanzo. 

Hanzo puts the datapad to sleep and stands. “I did not know where else to sit.” he explains matter of factly. 

Genji laughs a little. “You could have sat on my bed? Or the chair by the computer?” he offers, gesturing to either place. 

Hanzo shrugs. “I do not want to intrude on your space more than I already am.” 

Genji shakes his head removing the scarf from around his neck. “Dinner will be served soon. I came to get you.”

“Let me clean up,” Hanzo says matter of factly. He takes his bag to the small on-suite bathroom, just a toilet and a small sink. He washes his face and his hands. He changes from his kyudo-gi into a pair of jeans and a plain, maroon t-shirt. He returns fresh faced and walks with Genji to the mess hall.

“Reinhardt is cooking tonight,” Genji says nonchalantly. “You should try to get on the cooking schedule. The guys will love your apple curry.”

Hanzo hums in response trying to remember the last time he had cooked anything more than convenience store ramen. “Maybe. I will ask 76. It would be nice to be in a kitchen again.”

The last time had to have been right after their father’s funeral. Genji laid out on the couch where he had passed out the night before. This would have been before the uncles whispered lies in his ears. Before he had become so disillusioned with the prospect of family and the ideas of power. When Genji was still his little brother, albeit a drunk. He had woken Genji up and forced him off the couch. “Come, I’ve made dinner. You need real food, not nachos.” he said kindly, a smile on his face. 

After that he ate out or had cooks to make his meals. And when he was on the run there were no kitchens, save maybe a microwave. 

Genji hums happily. “I would enjoy that.”

In the mess hall, Hanzo sits beside Genji, plate full of German food. Hana sits to his right, terribly close. She talks more than she eats. She speaks in quick Korean pointing out each member, giving an abridged biography. There was Mei, the Chinese environmentalist, who was frozen in time. The junkers, who come from Australia, sit beside Mei. Junkrat (the smaller one) talks to Mei waving his arms expressively. Roadhog (the larger one) says little eating his food carefully. 

Hanzo is reminded of his mother begging his father to move them out of Japan after the fall of the Australian Outback. “Aki-chan,” she said in that voice her and Genji used to get what they wanted. “Can’t we move to America? The scientists are saying the radiation could drift to Japan. That is not safe for the boys. “She had put on her best pout but all her pouting was in vain. His father took them on a family trip to Disney World as if he believed his wife was the type of women to be quelled by a fancy trip. But she was smart enough to leave it alone and left Hanzo to worry about radiation for the next few years. 

Hana pulls him back from his thoughts pointing to an elegant Indian women, eating vegan sausages as delicately as one would eat caviar. “Satya.” Hana explains she’s from Vishkar. Apparently she has beef with Lucio. 

On the other side of Mei, trying her hardest to keep Mei’s attention, is the Russian bodybuilder Zarya. Hana gushes about her pink hair and cool demeanor.

Lena sits with the large Winston creating an odd bridge between the fresh, newer agents and the wary, older agents. Hana explains if Lena had a text signature it would have been a giggle. She also recommends never trying to race her. 

Beside Winston sits the stoic Soldier 76. “Don’t call him gramps,” she explains shaking her head. “Learned that one the hard way.” Hanzo wonders again why so many people ignore that he is obviously Jack Morrison. 

Reinhardt and Torbjorn (men Hanzo had seen on old Overwatch posters) sit beside 76 arguing. Reinhardt’s voice booms filling the whole room with the jovial sound. 

Beside them is Angela eating delicately like Staya. She has a pleasant smile on her face. She rarely interjects in their conversation but when she does Reinhardt breaks into loud rumbling laughter.

Fareeha sits beside her. Hana expresses how cool she is. She alludes to a relationship between her and the good doctor but says she swore she wouldn’t tell. 

“And Mcree,” Hana says waving at McCree, who softens his face from the constant glare he’s had since Hanzo saw him to wave back. “He’s an actual cowboy, no joke. Like from old American movies. He’s fun though! He helps us with our pranks more often than not.”

“Bastion and Zenyatta don’t eat but they are part of our group too.” she explains. 

“And finally the cool kids,” she splays her arms wide gesturing to their table. Lucio sits by Genji interrupting Hanzo when ever he can. Lucio must know their past. “We keep this place hip and fun,” she grins proudly finally coming back to her food. 

 

Later that night, after an enticing few rounds of [i]Mario Kart[/i], Hanzo lays on the plain cot Genji had set up for him unable to fall asleep. The room is nearly silent save the gentle whir of electricity. It’s unsettling for the man who spent a good portion of his life hiding in the busy streets of Tokyo. He lets himself think of McCree for the first time in a long time. Normally, when McCree would drift into his thoughts he would force them away, not allowing himself pleasant memories. But tonight, he doesn’t have the self control to stop the images. He imagines the young man in Hanamura, standing awkwardly beside him. He imagines the nights in the arcade. He imagines the way he looked talking about something that excited him. He imagines anything and everything he can imagine about McCree, taking each part of him and cataloging it. He lies awake counting the things that had changed in the man. Wondered what was still the same. 

Genji leaves the room before the sun rises. Hanzo pretends to be a sleep but can tell with the noise Genji is making he isn’t fooling his brother. Once Genji leaves Hanzo sits up to check the time, 3:23. He decides the forgo sleeping instead thumbing through the news on his datapad until the sun rises and it’s more suitable for him to move to the kitchen, ready to start day two on the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Fun Fact: Mercy also eats vegan sausages.  
> I really wanted to spend some time in Hanzo's POV. Expect the next couple chapters to be in his as well. I'm going to try to only have one more chapter be before where McCree's ended but I had planned for this chapter to end at the same point last chapter did annnnnd it got a little bit away from me....  
> Well either wayyyyy hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!!  
> As always this chapter and fic go out to the hbic.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A head in a room chapter about Hanzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! A lot of this chapter has to do with suicidal thoughts. As always if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts of your own and need to talk to someone. Or if you just need to talk about anything. I'm always here for you. Please feel free to reach out to me.

It came suddenly. One day at dinner, during the silence between Hana’s constant chatter, it bubbled up from the back of Hanzo’s mind and made itself terribly present. “I should die.” From there it began to punctuate his life, every thought, every moment of silence, every moment with friends ended with this thought. “I deserve to die.” It followed him around during training as he shot his arrows, it would fill up the time between drawn bow and fired arrow. In the kitchen it drifted between the sound of water boiling and him chopping the vegetables. When the game systems turned off, when the conversation ended, when the music stopped, and people left the common room it showed up. “I should just kill myself.” He woke to the idea in the same way he woke to sleep in the corner of his eyes or morning breath. It silenced his dragons when it came. It took the whole space of his mind as if it belonged to it. 

“I should kill myself.”

It was never a plan, never something he had meant to act on. It wasn’t the first time the idea floated into his mind. But Genji had always been there to quiet it. During Hanzo’s youth, Genji was a reason to stay alive. Someone he could not bear to hurt. When Hanzo was older and distraught, it returned. But Hanzo knew suicide was no way to honor his brother. He had turned his sword on Genji under false pretenses. The elders had convinced Hanzo that Genji had worked with Overwatch to assassinate their father. In drunken anger, Hanzo killed Genji, tired of his lack of ambition and loyalty to their family. He had ran from the clan in hopes of doing good as an homage to Genji. Like Susano-oh he would wander the Earth doing good in order to grant his access back to the heavens. He had assumed this third iteration of the idea would pass much like the one in his youth. 

The change happened quickly. When it went from punctuation to planning. 

He had been given his own room. His possessions that were deemed “dangerous” were back in his hands. Genji pushed the door open leaving room for Hanzo to enter. The room was identical to Genji’s; a bed, a computer area, bedside table, mirror, and small standing closet. “We can go out the next off day and get you more decorations and clothing,” Genji said following Hanzo into the room. Hanzo placed his bag down in silence. “I’m happy you are here,” Genji added placing a hand on his shoulder. Hanzo relaxed at the touch, finally getting used to the cool metal. It reminded him of their minor breakthrough on the loading deck. Hanzo breaking down in front of Genji. Finally expressing his inability to see the flesh Genji he had slain as the same Genji in the cyborg body. “Do you need help with anything before I go?” Genji interrupted his memory.

Hanzo shook his head, turning his lips into a smile. “No Genji,” he said softly. “I’m fine.”

“I need to kill myself,” he thought closing the door behind Genji. He ignored the intensity of the new statement. He ignored the word choice. The way it changed from a wish to a need. To something tangible, something plausible. Something needed. 

It made itself uncomfortably clear that night. Hanzo’s nightmares had returned. Not the guilt fueled dreams of the past ten years but more akin to the the ones he had had since childhood. This one had him running through the dark woods near Hirosaki. They were young again. They had to have been there for the Hirosaki Neputa Festival. When they were young, their parents often took them around the country for festivals. In his dream however, Hanzo was not at the bright parade but instead running through a forest of giant redwoods. A incontinuity in Hanzo’s dream, his mind combining the many trips to festivals mixed with their one trip to Disneyland. Hanzo’s father tiring of the cartoonish cheese took the boys to the Redwood National park for something with “some damn substance”. Another incontinuity is the wolves. They howl loudly the sound engulfing Hanzo. Taking back their forests. Genji’s screams break Hanzo out of the howls, making him run faster. He comes to a clearing. A trail of blood leads to Genji’s body, an impossible amount of blood puddling around him. Hanzo rushes to him, trips on his own feet, and crawls the rest of the way, hovers over Genji’s body. He feels sick. Their cries mix together. Hanzo wakes with a start as the boy in his dreams asks for help.

He wakes in a panic. Without thinking he rushes to Genji’s side. Stands in his room, again hovering. He watches the gentle fall and rise of his chest. Once he calms down, he returns to his own room without waking his brother. 

After the panic, after he was back in his own room, after shutting the door too loudly for three in the morning. The punctuation echoed loudly in his mind.

“I’m going to kill myself.”

And that was how he found himself standing hazardly close to the edge of the cliff. He breathes trying to calm himself. This was how it should have been. The dragons were not there when he closed his eyes. He concentrates on their absence. 

McCree’s voice booms loud over the surf. It pulls him from his thoughts. It shakes him like thunder. When he looks at McCree, he is moving towards him. 

At one point Hanzo had decided to kill himself and the next he’s pressing his lips desperately to McCree’s. He pulls away feeling his face turning red. Then he is in his room door slamming shut behind him. Holding his chest he leans against the wall. He’s a idiot. A fucking fool. Things were not good with McCree. McCree made that terribly clear. And Hanzo had kissed him without asking. He slid down the wall with a loud groan. 

“Hanzo!” McCree’s fists fall loudly on the door causing him to jump. Shit. McCree was going to kick his ass or at least try to. Maybe he should let him?

“Hanzo, open up!” he calls, his fists still pounding. 

Hanzo takes a deep breath rising from the ground. He didn’t want to fight with McCree but this was his fault. He has to take responsibility. He opens the door slowly but is soon overtaken by McCree busting into his room. McCree slams the door behind him taking Hanzo into his arms in a whirlwind of motion. Hanzo stands at first in shock. . McCree holds him tightly pressing his face into Hanzo’s hair, breathing heavily. McCree smells of stale smoke, sweat, and the hint of strawberry shampoo. He bathes him in sharply before wrapping his arms around McCree’s waist, holding him just as tightly. They stand together holding each other in silence. 

McCree lets go, moving away in an instant, leaving a cold space between them. Hanzo’s arms drop to his sides awkwardly. Hanzo is unsure of what to do or say so he stands there looking over McCree’s flushed face. His eyes are shadowed by his hair. He mumbles something fists at his side. 

“M-McCree-san,” Hanzo asks in a breath. He’s met with another mumble only able to make out the word “you” at the end. “I don’t understand what your saying,” he admits 

“May.. May I kiss you?” MCree says loudly almost shouting. The question rings loud and clear in Hanzo’s mind. The words volleying between the two dragons. They play with the words. They repeat them, creating an ache in his mind. 

“Yes…” Hanzo responds barely a whisper. In another whirlwind of motion McCree is in his space, breathing shaky breathes. Hanzo focuses on McCree’s t-shirt, locking eyes with the country western icon on it. They are close enough that if he were to pucker his lips he would wind up kissing the man on the shirt. His attention is brought back to the man in the shirt by his calloused hands on cupping Hanzo’s face. They are are calloused, warm and large. So, different from Hanzo’s cold and small hands. Hanzo has to put effort into not melting into them. He gently guides Hanzo’s face upwards causing their eyes to lock. He leans down to press a kiss to Hanzo’s lips. The floodgates open on both men. Apologies fall out of their mouths between passionate kisses and wandering hands. It takes until shirts come off for Hanzo to put a stop to everything. McCree makes a small inaudible whine when Hanzo pushes them apart breaking their kiss. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he pants slightly. “This seems wrong, yes?”

McCree shakes his head before resigning to a miserable shrug. “I dunno, honey. I’ve hated you for so long and wanted you for even longer. I’ve been dreaming of holding you since the night we left Japan. Sure, logically, this is ain’t right. But... but I ain't ever been logical sugar.”

Hanzo lets what McCree said permeate, holding his hands out. “See, I’ve always been logical,” he laughs dryly keeping his eyes on his palms. 

“Don’t have to continue then,” McCree says sweetly closing the gap between them once more. “I didn’t barge in here to make you do something you didn’t want to. I’m just tired of lying to myself… And this seemed like as good a time as any time to start telling myself the truth.” He uses his free hand to lift Hanzo’s eyes back up forcing their eyes to meet. 

Hanzo lifts his hands up to hold onto McCree’s arms. He can’t find any words to respond to McCree so instead just nods. McCree offers a gentle smile. His eyes are warm and kind. Hanzo takes a shaky breath and tries to copy the smile. They stand there for a moment before McCree ushers the two of them to sit on the bed.

“Do you want to talk about what happened on the cliffside?” McCree asks once they’re sitting side by side of Hanzo’s bed. 

Hanzo shakes his head slowly. He doesn’t look at McCree. He focuses on his hands, palms up defisted. He knows he owes McCree an explanation. For what was about to happen at the cliff, for what happened in the hallway, for what was happening now. 

McCree has apparently gotten over any of his anger. He puts his hand of Hanzo’s pulling his attention away from them. “Do you think you need to.” he asks although it becomes more of a statement. 

Hanzo shrugs. “Maybe,” he laughs dryly. “Genji would suggest I speak with Zenyatta.” 

They spend the rest of the night speaking in gentle voices they had inherited from their mothers. The sun rises and at some point Hanzo drifts off in McCree’s arms, they had moved to laying down at some point in the night. Hanzo wakes to McCree slipping out from his arm early in the morning. McCree bends down and leaves a ghost of kiss on Hanzo’s forehead. Hanzo didn’t want McCree to leave but understood he had to. They had moved quickly in their childhood because there was a time constraint.

 

Hanzo walks into the common room. He had just gotten done with his after training shower. He figures he should spend time with his teammates. The room is full of people. The air is full of laughter and the poppy music of a video game. McCree’s head snaps up a grin spreading across his face when Hanzo shuts the door behind him.

“Hanzo!”” he calls waving him over to the table he’s sitting at.

Genji looks up between the two when McCree yells out giving Hanzo knowing look. Genji sits on the couch, Hana’s legs casually propped up on his lap. Lucio sits between them on the ground, all of them holding controllers and focusing on the screen. They’re playing Mario Party for the eighth time this week. Hana chose to play the colorful Mario games in an attempt to escape the real life grit from the last few missions. 

Hana sits up straight suddenly, almost kicking Lucio in the head. “Not so fast!” she grins biting the edge of her tongue in concentration.

Reinhardt and Torbjorn sit at a small card table grumbling across from a pleased Mercy and Fareeha, obviously losing their game of Magic the Gathering. 

“Where are your instants and sorceries!” Torbjorn scolds.

“My giants are all I need,” Reinhardt declares looking proudly at his field. 

“Your giants are no match for my elves!” Fareeha chuckles. 

Mei is reading to Junkrat, who sits cross legged on the floor in front of her. She reads in silly voices causing him to break into loud peals of laughter. Roadhog sits near them focused on a small paperback book of sudoku. The pencil looks absurd in his large hands.

McCree waves Hanzo over. A small wooden peg board sits at the the table. A deck of cards sit beside it. “Hi darling,” he smiles gently touching Hanzo’s arm. Hanzo nods in response sitting on the opposite side of the table. 

“What are you doing?” Hanzo aks picking up the small plastic peg. 

“I’m trying to figure out how to play cribbage,” McCree replies passing Hanzo his holopad. On the screen are the rules for the game. Hanzo reads them over quickly before looking back at McCree. McCree shuffles the deck of cards as he waits. 

“Why?” Hanzo finally asks handing the holopad back to McCree. The game doesn’t seem to hard to play but it also doesn’t seem to exciting to play.

“When I was a little kid, when my dad was still alive,” McCree began. “I’d have to stay with my grandparents when he was at work. They lived in this shitty little assisted living apartment, didn’t have any toys for a kid. So, when I got tired of watching day time drama with grandma, I’d go in the kitchen and watch my grandpa play this game. My grandpa had this tiny laptop and I’d sit on the floor and watch him, making up stories about the computer generated people he played against. Sometimes he give the other players voices, hamming up the whole game for my attention.” McCree shrugs. “I was just thinking about those times today during training. Thought maybe I’d try my hand at it.” 

Hanzo nods reaching back over for the holopad. “I will try to help you learn then,” Hanzo says matter of factly reading the rules over closely. It was strange and thrilling that he was sitting with the man he loved learning how to play an antique card game. It was surreal that his brother was sitting close enough to him that he could reach out and touch him any time he would want. It was as if the universe had forgiven Hanzo. It was as if the universe was rewarding Hanzo for his ten years of solitude. Seeing McCree’s smile, Hanzo finds he doesn’t want to think about the universe or the oddness of the situation. He just wants to worry about keeping that smile on McCree’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Thank you for reading :]  
> I'm sorry this one took a very long time.  
> I'm probably going to be putting out one more dramatic chapter even though I probably could have finished this story during this chapter. I will probably also be putting out a sequel like story. I don't know we will see!  
> Umm... also things are really scary right now and I want everyone to know that I'm here for you. Like seriously please reach out to me if you need me.  
> Thanks again for reading!


	8. A Little Something Something for Ya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little extra drama at the end of what was probably the end of this story.

“He doesn’t need you to wait for him,” Soldier 76 growls pointing to the transport. “Get back on the transport and wait with the rest of them.” 

Hanzo takes his eyes off the horizon, cutting them in the old man’s direction. He looks back at the transport. Through the open door he could see Hana, her leg propped on Lucio’s lap. She wears his headphones taking in the healing music. Her broken leg is one of the minor injuries of the day. A body lays in the back of the transport near Mercy’s pseudo med bay, white sheet draped over it. Hanzo tries not to think about how he doesn’t know the man’s name. Mercy sits with the body and two civilians who had been caught up in the gunfight between Overwatch and Talon. The despondent McCree sits close to the door. He’s caught in his own mind, his head hung low. Hanzo shakes his head and continues to scan for Genji. He looks to the rooftops expecting to see the green glow. Seeing nothing he tries to look to the shadows. Then finally he looks in the bright open middle area. 

“Genji!” he yells seeing the cyborg limping, down the middle path. Hanzo runs to him, ignoring Soldier 76’s order to wait. He’ll let the soldier scan the area, for the moment he needs to get to his brother. Genji looks terrible, his arm is broken, as is leg. The leg hanging like a broken toy. Genji’s mask is cracked showing a cut lip and a large bruise. He reaches out for him letting him lean into him, Hanzo taking weight of his body. “What happened?” he asks hurrying the limping man to the safety of the transport. 

“Reaper,” Genji says trying to look behind him. “You think I look bad? You should see him,” the words make it out barely before a distressed cough. 

Hanzo frowns before calling out to Soldier 76, “Please alert Dr. Ziegler.” 76 moves into the transport with a curt nod, obviously someone not used to being ordered around. Hanzo could feel the change in temperature before he could see him. He felt the cold chill of a ghost and heard the deep rumbles of laughter. He tightens his grips on Genji as Reaper materializes in front of them a shotgun aimed at the two. 

“Hello boys,” Reaper mocks them stepping closer. 

Hanzo has limited time to react. He knows they can’t get away to a place where neither can get shot and instead chooses to put himself between Genji and the gun. Hanzo reaches for Storm Bow in the same action. A shot comes from behind him as he reaches for his arrows. The shot does not belong to the shotgun in front of him. A sniper. Hanzo ignores the pain in his arm. There’s a flurry of motion after the gunshot. Genji moving to attack in his dilapidated form. Hanzo trying to notch his bow with a broken arm, Reaper taking his first shot, missing by too close of a distance, movement from inside the transport as Soldier 76, Tracer, and McCree rush out guns readied. 76 runs at the group throwing down a biotic field for Genji and Hanzo’s arm. Tracer blinks towards Reaper, shooting at him and distracting him from the brothers. McCree, however, stands stunned at the sight of the wraith. Reaper takes a few pot shots before Mercy and Reinhardt emerge from the transport. He dissolves into shadows, fleeing the scene. The unidentified sniper takes a shot at Tracer before zipping away as well, leaving the group, fully armed and looking around desperately in confusion. 

McCree looks startled. He stands just outside the transport, Peacekeeper unholstered. Hanzo can tell he’s looking for Reaper. Hanzo tears his eyes away from McCree focusing back on his brother. He didn’t have time to speculate why McCree hesitates when Reaper was around. Or why he would talk lengths about his childhood but close off as soon as Hanzo intrigues about his time in Blackwatch or even after it. Or God forbid Gabriel Reyes. Hanzo focuses on Genji. He isn’t sure what to do besides cradle the man. 

“The biotic field feels warm,” Genji says softly flashing Hanzo a please don’t worry about me smile Hanzo had seen before after Genji would get scolded by their father. Hanzo nods giving a small smile in return. 

 

“He’s my brother. I’m not leaving,” Hanzo demands standing beside Genji’s hospital bed. His arm is an sling, the bullets removed and the healing ointment applied. 

Mercy shot him a terrifying glare growing tired of arguing with him. “Hanzo, I will not ask you again. I have too many things to do to have you crowding the medbay.” she says sternly, working on Genji’s arm.

Hanzo opens his mouth to argue but is cut off by his brother’s stern voice. “Hanzo,” he warns. “If the good doctor asks you to leave you need to respect her wishes.” And that’s it, Hanzo stands outside the medbay, flustered. 

Hanzo, forced out of the medbay and away from Genji’s side, goes to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. Something to relax himself. Or more so, if he was being honest with himself, something to keep him busy. His brother had gotten cold with him.McCree had been distant the whole day and Hanzo couldn’t find it in himself to go back to his room. He didn’t want to start thinking about the dead man in the morgue. Couldn’t think about the family that had to be called. Didn’t want to admit he hadn’t even known the man’s name. He had been a new recruit allowed on his first mission. Hanzo had failed the team. He had failed the man. He shakes the thought continuing his walk to the kitchen. He finds McCree sitting against the cabinets, bottle of liquor cradled in his lap. His serape is still around him, his hat sits low on his head, shadowing his eyes. He hadn’t been to his room either, still dressed in his battle fatigues. Hanzo steps around towards the cabinets, a little clumsily. Frustrated with making tea with only one arm. He plops down beside McCree, taking care not to touch him, unsure of where their relationship was on this day. “May I join you?” he asks softly gesturing towards the bottle. 

McCree grunts passing Hanzo the half empty bottle. He drinks a large gulp before passing it back to the drunken cowboy. They pass the bottle between them. The only light comes from above the stove. No one interrupts them. Those that aren't in the medbay are asleep in their beds. 

“Dr. Ziegler says Genji will be fine,” Hanzo breaks the silence, “he will need a new leg but the rest is salvageable.” He has to get that out to make it real. He takes another burning gulp, the bottle running dry. Another grunt from McCree is the only answer he gets. Hanzo relaxes into the silence. When the bottle is empty he opens the gourd on his hip. “My personal collection,” he explains handing the drinking gourd to McCree. The sake goes down smoother for Hanzo, the familiarity though reminds him of worse days. Sake reminds him of the years after his attack on his brother. Reminds him of long nights in hotel rooms where sake replaced sleep. It’s a worse memory than beer brings up. Beer reminds him of his father and uncles passing him green glass bottle, winking at him to not tell his mother. Wine brought the worst memories. Hanzo laying on the balcony the wine from his bottle mixing with the overwhelming amount of blood. Hanzo remembers not being able to tell whose blood it was or if Genji was still breathing. 

McCree gives a small stutter at the first drink pulling Hanzo from his thought. They settle back into the smooth back and forth rhythm they had taken up over the past hour. Hanzo closes his eyes. Eventually he would have to get up and return to his room. Leave McCree’s side. He had been spending more time with the gunslinger. There was forgiveness in the air. A comfortable memory coming back to life. 

McCree says something pulling Hanzo from his thoughts. What he says is too quiet, Hanzo’s drunk ears can’t pick it out. “What?” he asks softly turning towards McCree.

“Did you love her?” McCree asks looking forward, gourd held close to his chest.

Hanzo searches his mind for this “her”. His mother? Hana? Those seemed too odd. Not the thought of a drunken man. “Who are you talking about?” he asks finally.

McCree waits a moment. Hanzo searches his face. There is hesitation and sadness. “Your wife,” 

Hanzo didn’t expect that. He stutters. McCree continues looking forward away from Hanzo. “My wife?” he asks reluctantly. 

McCree nods. 

“Of course, Aiko was a dear friend and a wonderful wife.”

McCree whimpers. It’s small and almost inaudible.

“Not romantically, like you may have believed, “Hanzo back tracks imaging the tall woman. Aiko had been taller than him, a woman who commanded the room. Her long black hair, her crooked smile, the gap in her teeth. He imagines their small wedding. The two sitting nervously beside each other. The way she grinned when they were finally alone. “We understood each other. Understood our places in society, in the Yakuza. I had known her since childhood. Genji and I played with her in hotel lobbies when our father’s spoke behind closed doors.“ Hanzo smiles sadly. He often wondered where she was, how she was. When he left his clan behind he also left her behind. The buck tooth little girl who grew into women he had called his wife. He worried about her. He hoped the assassins had kept away from her. He had taken pains to publicly humiliate her, yelling loudly in the bar surrounded by their peers. It had all been in some kind of hope to keep the assassins that would no doubt be sent after him away from her. He hadn’t told her he was leaving, the pain she would have felt would have been real. He images the wedding photo he keeps with his stuff. Imagines their young faces smiling up at the camera. 

“How did you know?” Hanzo asks. Their wedding hadn’t been in the paper. It was a closed wedding. Many people in Japan would not have known about it let alone someone in Sweden. “We didn’t go public with it.” They were waiting to publically announce the wedding when Hanzo was more prepared to take over his father’s position.

A moment of hesitation from McCree. Old doubt resurfacing for Hanzo. “I came back for you, Han,” he starts. His eyes stare forward clutching the gourd tightly to his chest unable to look at Hanzo. “I was a God damn knight in shining armor. I.. we snuck in your house. Was ready to sweep you away. Take you some place warm. I’d saved up all my money, was gonna take a little vacation. But you weren’t there. Both of you weren’t, you and your brother. Ain’t nobody there but your pa, I guess. And when I was looking for ya, well there were pictures all along the hall tables of your wedding. You and that woman grinning ear to ear.”

The pieces click together. Hanzo’s father was murdered during their honeymoon. Hanzo and Aiko were in Paris living life of imaged freedom. They laughed, saw ballets, visited museums, ate foreign food. Genji wasn’t at home when their father was salin. He was out partying. Had snuck away. Hanzo had harbored so much anger towards Genji for this. He had always suspected it was something to do with Overwatch but there was no evidence. Many people were out for his father’s life. He had been forced into power after his death. The beginning of the spiral that became Hanzo’s life started that night. 

“You were there when my father was murdered?” Hanzo asks, it coming out more of a statement. 

“No!” McCree expresses turning to finally look at Hanzo. “I mean... I came for you. Reyes let me keep my hands clean. I came to take you away.” his words slur as he pleads for understanding. “I kept my promise.”

“You let them kill my father,” Hanzo says in shock. 

“You got married,” McCree argues. 

“You… you killed my father!” Hanzo yells shaking his head. 

“I was just doing like I was told.”

“His blood is on your hands either way,” Hanzo scoffs “You are ridiculous. An idiot!” Hanzo pulls himself to a swaying stand. The alcohol in his system makes him stumble as he moves away from McCree.

“Hey now, not so fast,” McCree tries to stand but falls back down. “Come back!” he yells after him but Hanzo is already hobbling half way out of the kitchen.

“Don’t speak to me,” Hanzo demands turning back to look at McCree. The man was a mess sitting huddled on the floor, still clutching that gourd to his chest. 

Hanzo makes his way back to the medbay. He needs to see his brother. They would need to discuss this new development. Overwatch had killed their father. Overwatch had forced their hand. Without their interference, Hanzo would have moved gradually into leadership. He would have had less anger to try to control. Genji would have grown up. They would have lived a better life. But instead they were here in a foreign country, working for the same people who decided killing their father was a better power play than letting the Shimada clan work naturally. In the moment, he felt confident, ready to yell, ready to fight but at the same time his movements were languid and elongated. The alcohol making him feel lighter than usual. He peeks in the medbay expecting to see his brother lying in the hospital bed. Instead, he frowns seeing Dr. Ziegler talking with Genji. She would make Hanzo leave. She wouldn’t let him see Genji. She would be harsh and cold forcing his brother to take her side again. 

But what would Genji say anyway?”

“What does it matter now?” he would start. “How will your anger bring anything to our father’s memory? Why bother yourself with ideas of vengeance? Why waste your energy on something like that? Father was not the violent man you belive him to be. You should try to forgive him. Is that not what you are here for?”

Hanzo grumbles. “Of course Genji would say that,” he looks back in the room. Dr. Ziegler places a hand on Genji’s arm, gently smiling. At least he is well. 

He turns away from the two, heading towards his room. His path takes him past the kitchen. Despite himself he peeks in through the window on the door. After all he had left his gourd in McCree’s hands. McCree is still slouched against the cabinets, Hanzo’s drinking gourd clutched to his chest. Hanzo sighs loudly running a hand down his face. He couldn’t just leave him there. He enters the kitchen letting the door fall loudly behind him. 

“You’re still here?” Hanzo asks standing over McCree.

“I tried to follow you but I couldn’t get up,” McCree grumbles. “You came back?”

“You have my gourd,” he points with his free hand. 

McCree looks at the gourd before sheepishly handing it up to Hanzo.

 

Hanzo nods before adding a quick “T-thank you.” He takes the gourd and straps it to his waist. Once the gourd is strapped safely to him he looks back down at the mess that is McCree. He lets out a long breath before holding out his arm. “Let me help you back to your room.” 

McCree hesitates before reaching out for Hanzo’s arm. There is a moment of struggle before Hanzo manages to get McCree standing. He wraps his not wounded arm under McCree’s shoulder for support. McCree wraps a comfortable arm around his waist. They hobble down the halls to McCree’s room. McCree fumbles to put his hand on the sensor letting them both in. Hanzo walks McCree to the bed pulling the covers back and sits him down.

“Wait there,” he instructs. McCree smiles swaying a little. Hanzo goes to turn the bathroom light on to give some softer light to the room. He moves back to McCree. He helps him unbutton his shirt, folds it beside the bed, takes off his hat and serape. He kneels and helps him take off his boots and socks. He roots through the drawers in McCree’s room finding sweatpants. Hanzo pushes them in McCree’s hands.

“Change. You’ll be more comfortable,” Hanzo directs.

McCree yawns nodding. Hanzo turns away looking at the mess of cigarillo packets, bourbon bottles, and mint containers on the dresser top.

“Done,” McCree grunts. Hanzo returns back to the bed. 

“Lay down,” Hanzo whispers helping him lay down. He pulls the covers over McCree’s shoulder who is nearly snoring by the time his head hits the pillow. Hanzo can’t help but smile at the snoring man. The strong smell of alcohol stops him before he places a kiss upon his forehead. He would need water and some medicine to help with the hangover he was doomed to have. He hurries back to the kitchen once more, grabbing a glass and the pills. When he returns McCree is sitting up in his bed hand clutching his heart, breathing in short panicked breaths. HIs shoulders hunched over, legs pulled up. His head snaps up when Hanzo clicks the door shut. There are tears in his eyes. Hanzo has been there before. Alone in motel rooms having woke panicked, relieving the moment he struck his brother down. Men like them, men who have killed don’t get many comfortable dreams, they wake in cold sweat ,images they drink to forget in their heads. 

Hanzo sets the water on the the bed side table. “Do you need anything?” he asks  
unfamiliar with McCree’s panic attacks. 

“You came back?” McCree utters looking up at Hazo. He reaches out to grab at Hanzo’s shirt. “Please sit with me…”

Hanzo complies sitting down beside McCree. McCree clings to Hanzo’s shirt. Hanzo wraps his arms around Mcree hesitantly. “Hush now, of course I came back,” he whispers steadily holding the clinging man close. “You’re dreams are just dreams. You are safe here. Safe now,” when McCree calms down, Hanzo tries to pull away for McCree’s sake but he gets a weak pullback. 

“Stay with me?” he pleads softly, barely above a whisper. Hanzo breath catches in his chest. He nods laying the two down. 

“I will” he breathes. 

McCree clings to Hanzo’s chest. He wraps his arms around Hanzo’s waist pulling him close. “Thank you,” he mumbles falling into a deep sleep. Hanzo holds him close caressing his hair. He breaths him in smelling the mix of strong alcohol, stale cigarettes, and strawberry shampoo. McCree’s breathing evens out and his grip lessens. Hanzo relaxes pressing his face down into McCree’s hair. He hadn’t spent many nights in McCree’s arms but it felt right. Hanzo had never found the same comfort or feeling of belonging in other’s arms. Even Aiko’s. He sighs deciding to talk in the morning. 

He stays with McCree throughout the night. He falls asleep a little while later into a comfortable, no nightmare, no dragons, black, calm sleep. 

“Hanzo?” McCree’s voice cuts through the darkness. They are no longer in each other’s arms. McCree leans above him sitting up on one arm. “Whatcha doing here?” 

Hanzo sits up quickly. He clears his throat and rolls his shoulder. The medicine and water catch his eyes. He picks them up and gesture them to McCree. “Take these. You’re head must be killing you.” 

McCree hesitates looking at him suspiciously. “It’s just water and advil. You drank far more than me. Please take them.”

McCree takes the pills and gulps down the water. “Th-Thanks,” he sits up more. Looking at the empty glass. In the morning sunlight Hanzo is reminded of the first time they met. He had been so wound up with familial expectations that he hadn’t said much to the odd cowboy who had been sent out into the garden with him. The cowboy broke the silence with warm laughter. The man beside Hanzo chuckles nervously waiting for Hanzo to say something. Hanzo sighs giving into the dopey man. There was no way to stay mad at McCree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Yall!  
> Thanks for reading! And being patient if you were waiting for this chapter. Hopefully it was worth the wait!  
> This is the end of this story (although I've got like a couple chapters of a kinda sequel? we'll see!). I'm really happy to have written it and to have had you guys read it! It had been a while since I'd felt so impelled to write.  
> So, really I just want to say thank you again!!


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